There are forces out there; evil Hot Dog spirits that have been following me during the last several months.  

It all started with the Middletown Motor Sports Hot Dog Contest where I traveled many miles only to discover that the contest was strictly for fun and involved eating two Dogs and a soda.   The next Dog debacle was at Police Survivors Annual Charity Run on the South Shore of New Jersey with the promise of $500 in prize money.  The event was connected to a fund raiser for families of slain Police Officers.  A noble cause, I reflected and the promise of prize money was all that I needed to take the journey. After traveling 3.5 hours I discovered that Event Organizer Jeff Cambell,  canceled the Hot Dog Contest (But no other event) because of no apparent reason….When I asked him about the contest he responded that he was stressed out and had no help and nobody better bug him.  He then paused and said; ”Don't worry dude,  we will have it”.  With these reassuring words and no desire to trigger Mr. Cambell's PTSD, I hung-out in cold semi-rainy weather waiting for the contest.  After the procession of girls in the Hawaiian Bikini Contest (Definitely dancers from a biker bar) and feeling wet and hungry I started wondering if Jeff Campbell would keep his word and two wet and cold hours later I inquired into the status of the contest.  Mr. Cambell, who fashioned a somewhat paranoid demeanor and Vietnam Veteran 1000-yard-gaze,  provided me with a long explanation as to why and how things were “screwed up” with the band that they were supposed to have been on stage two hours earlier…..  Struggling to decipher the relevance of his comment to my question, and to my urgent need to eat some damn Hot Dogs,  I posed the vital question: “Are we having a Hot Dog Contest or what?” Mr. Campbell continued to talk to himself and walked away without any mention of Hot Dogs. 

It didn't end there....One month later, I found myself driving to Newburgh, NY where Price Choppers was having a Hot dog Eating Contest.  In fact, Price Choppers was hosting a contest in all of their store locations in five different states where the winner would then go to a regional and then finally to the Finals and where he/she would compete for a Large Screen TV. When I got to Newburgh (two hour drive from Long Island) There were no other competitors.  I ate one hot-dog as a requirement to advance to the regional and probably set the Hot Dog Futility record as the only guy ever to eat one Hot Dog and win.  (See Story in Mad Adventures of ChowHound Chapman, entitled “ChowHound Sets New Hot Dog Futility Mark”).  Two weeks later I drove to Poughkeepsie, NY.  Anticipating that I might get there after the 11:00 AM start time I called them from the road and advised them I would be there 5 minutes late and to not start without me.  I got there at 11:10 only to discover that the contest was already going on.   After some growling which was met with 4th grade level responses from the swift Store Manager and a subsequent request from the no-brain Manager to leave the premises I returned home at greyhound like speed.  

In total I have traveled 17 hours and only consumed one Hot Dog!  During my angry ride home it was easy to tell that the hair on this dogs back was standing up. “Why” I asked, “Is it that I am cursed by the Hot Dog”   Are there evil Hot Dog spirits conspiring to drive me absolutely crazy?” And, “How do I break this spell?” and ”Who are the Evil Hot Dog Doers (use your imagination) that have plotted this Hot Dog Hell?”  How do I escape this Hot Dog Hell?”  There was no answer to these questions. 

Finally, I thought, my Hot Dog Nightmare is over!